Crowdfund Fails

I took some time to look through different Crowdfuning, IndiGoGo, and Kickstarter campaigns and fish out the ones I believed to be either "crazy, stupid, or just a waste of time."  Now if anyone finds their project on here, well it is what it is, lol.  I will say this, these people have spent time and effort into most of these and that's more than I have ever did, and a lot of these are funded a fair bit.  But without further ado let's start

 Algae Chocolate

                              
You done fucked it up, this Kickstarter combines the best of both worlds Algae and Chocolate.  This wonderful product is brought to you by the people at The Algae Factory (which reminds me of my child's kiddie pool in the summer), this product is made for people who "choose not to compromise" when it comes to staying healthy and a sustainable lifestyle.  When there is green stuff on my chocolate..its bad chocolate.  They have raised nearly$7k, proving that people are willing to pay; so others will smother terrible tasting shit with chocolate.

Cell Glove

Up next is the Cell Glove, the creators busy lifestyle and utter lack of motor skills was the driving force behind this hands free device.  Not since Hellboy have you been able to dream of enlarge your hand to such proportions that it would be an appropriate tool to bludgeon someone to death with.  The creator states that he wished there was something that would allow him to attach his phone to the back of his hand and still use that hand for activities, Velcro bro....Velcro.  he has raised $20 towards his dream.

Ready Sip

The people at Ready Sip have solved a problem plaguing hot beverage drinkers for centuries with their wireless notification device that will tell you when your tea is at the perfect temperature for sipping preventing that unexpected but delightful day trip to St.Judes.  I absolute hate products that were obliviously designed for fucking morons, my three year old child knows when food is hot and he even waits till it cools off before eating.  Lets save everyone some time and money and buy them this book instead "Dont Touch it's Hot", for one cent on Amazon!  Unfortunately they don't make an adult version of this book, because it would cater to dumbasses. They have raised $5k towards their goal.

                                                                         

Slut the play

This is awkward

 

Not since the Vagina Monologue have I felt this uncomfortable about a performing art.  I mean...guys this is not one to to take a girl on a first date, avoid at all cost.  "Slut the play" which could only get better if it were "Slut the musical" follows Joey Del Marco a 16 year old girl who on a typical Friday night is sexually assaulted by her BFF's George, Luke, and Tim.  Follow this young lady on her wacky adventures which will take you from lying on the bathroom floor covered in vomit, holding your ripped underwear to the District Attorneys office, where you can relive the horror of your rape and have it forever memorialized with a complimentary 1080p quality personalized evidence DVD. This project has raised $1.5k. 

Satanic Temple: Reproductive Rights Campaign

I believe this to be Co-created by the women at Slut the Play, but I could be wrong.  It is basically a campaign to stop further regulations on abortions. More to the point, the reason I chose this one is because of the supporter reward, a fucking children Satanic Activity book and a button five pack, hahahahahahahah.  What the hell (literally) is in the activity book?  Are you fucking kidding me?  This is just too much, they have raised an unbelievable $41k, just slap Satan's name on some shit and its golden apparently, someone needs to create a Satanic Temple Animal Shelter or something.    

Mission Yoga Float Center

This one comes from Mission Yoga in San Francisco, Ca.  These people have been "floating" for four years and you cant stop them!!  It's basically a sensory deprevation chamber with bath salts.  Some benefits include, jet lag recovery, enhanced learning, sudden loss of money and pride.  I hate to tell these people but if this has the same results as featured in the 1980 Blockbuster Altered State well count me the fuck out

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Being turned into a multi dimensional caveman is not my idea of an urban oasis. They have raised $26k.

Squeezers

This is exactly what you think it is, it is a tool to manually (as opposed to mechanically?) pop pimples.  The creator came up with this idea after squeezing a pimple....no shit.  I don't even know what to say about this...I have fingers, and while I have at least two finger I can pop my own damn pimples I do not need a tool for it.  Now you create something that can pop those pimples you get on your back that you just cant reach, then sign me up!

Well that brings us to the end of my list, if you have any CrowdFund Fails share them with me!  This was really fun to do, and I always love to see this kind of stuff, Thanks!