Crowdfund Fails

I took some time to look through different Crowdfuning, IndiGoGo, and Kickstarter campaigns and fish out the ones I believed to be either "crazy, stupid, or just a waste of time."  Now if anyone finds their project on here, well it is what it is, lol.  I will say this, these people have spent time and effort into most of these and that's more than I have ever did, and a lot of these are funded a fair bit.  But without further ado let's start

 Algae Chocolate

                              
You done fucked it up, this Kickstarter combines the best of both worlds Algae and Chocolate.  This wonderful product is brought to you by the people at The Algae Factory (which reminds me of my child's kiddie pool in the summer), this product is made for people who "choose not to compromise" when it comes to staying healthy and a sustainable lifestyle.  When there is green stuff on my chocolate..its bad chocolate.  They have raised nearly$7k, proving that people are willing to pay; so others will smother terrible tasting shit with chocolate.

Cell Glove

Up next is the Cell Glove, the creators busy lifestyle and utter lack of motor skills was the driving force behind this hands free device.  Not since Hellboy have you been able to dream of enlarge your hand to such proportions that it would be an appropriate tool to bludgeon someone to death with.  The creator states that he wished there was something that would allow him to attach his phone to the back of his hand and still use that hand for activities, Velcro bro....Velcro.  he has raised $20 towards his dream.

Ready Sip

The people at Ready Sip have solved a problem plaguing hot beverage drinkers for centuries with their wireless notification device that will tell you when your tea is at the perfect temperature for sipping preventing that unexpected but delightful day trip to St.Judes.  I absolute hate products that were obliviously designed for fucking morons, my three year old child knows when food is hot and he even waits till it cools off before eating.  Lets save everyone some time and money and buy them this book instead "Dont Touch it's Hot", for one cent on Amazon!  Unfortunately they don't make an adult version of this book, because it would cater to dumbasses. They have raised $5k towards their goal.

                                                                         

Slut the play

This is awkward

 

Not since the Vagina Monologue have I felt this uncomfortable about a performing art.  I mean...guys this is not one to to take a girl on a first date, avoid at all cost.  "Slut the play" which could only get better if it were "Slut the musical" follows Joey Del Marco a 16 year old girl who on a typical Friday night is sexually assaulted by her BFF's George, Luke, and Tim.  Follow this young lady on her wacky adventures which will take you from lying on the bathroom floor covered in vomit, holding your ripped underwear to the District Attorneys office, where you can relive the horror of your rape and have it forever memorialized with a complimentary 1080p quality personalized evidence DVD. This project has raised $1.5k. 

Satanic Temple: Reproductive Rights Campaign

I believe this to be Co-created by the women at Slut the Play, but I could be wrong.  It is basically a campaign to stop further regulations on abortions. More to the point, the reason I chose this one is because of the supporter reward, a fucking children Satanic Activity book and a button five pack, hahahahahahahah.  What the hell (literally) is in the activity book?  Are you fucking kidding me?  This is just too much, they have raised an unbelievable $41k, just slap Satan's name on some shit and its golden apparently, someone needs to create a Satanic Temple Animal Shelter or something.    

Mission Yoga Float Center

This one comes from Mission Yoga in San Francisco, Ca.  These people have been "floating" for four years and you cant stop them!!  It's basically a sensory deprevation chamber with bath salts.  Some benefits include, jet lag recovery, enhanced learning, sudden loss of money and pride.  I hate to tell these people but if this has the same results as featured in the 1980 Blockbuster Altered State well count me the fuck out

.

Being turned into a multi dimensional caveman is not my idea of an urban oasis. They have raised $26k.

Squeezers

This is exactly what you think it is, it is a tool to manually (as opposed to mechanically?) pop pimples.  The creator came up with this idea after squeezing a pimple....no shit.  I don't even know what to say about this...I have fingers, and while I have at least two finger I can pop my own damn pimples I do not need a tool for it.  Now you create something that can pop those pimples you get on your back that you just cant reach, then sign me up!

Well that brings us to the end of my list, if you have any CrowdFund Fails share them with me!  This was really fun to do, and I always love to see this kind of stuff, Thanks!

My experience with Kodi

So I was surfing the internet, and came across some articles about using Kobi (XBMC) on things like the Nvidia Shield, PC, other android devices, and decided to give it a try.  After watching a few videos on the nuisances of the system, I loaded up the Fusion repo and started to add on well....my addons. Download Kodi here

I have been using Kodi for about two weeks now, and honestly at first I was like really?  This kind of sucks, but as I learned which addons were reliable, and frequently updated, I really see myself using Kodi more and more.  My turning point would have to be when I watch the UFC fight last weekend, I was really blown away.

Is Kodi a must have Media Center for your device, I would say Yes!  If you are far behind on jumping on the Kodi bandwagon like I was, quit wasting your time, and do it!!!

Gamestop...worst experience ever

So this story all starts on Black Friday of this year.  Nvidia had the Shield on sale for $149.99 and it came with a free remote.  One of the places that it was being offered was Gamestop.  Now I do not frequent Gamestop I do most of my purchases online, but just so happens while on vacation we came across a Gamestop and I decided to go ahead and try and pick this up while it was available.

This store associate was helpful, but he had no idea what I was asking for; or if they even had one, after a few minutes he found the deal but he would have to drop ship to my home; that's fine I thought.  Got it ordered everything was honky dory.

Next day i receive and email stating that they were out of stock at the warehouse and basically didn't know when they would have them, damn i thought that's a little shitty you offer a product you don't even have in stock, I mean I could understand the store not having them but damn the warehouse as well.  I call the customer service line and this is when my fresh Hell began.  I was informed by the automated bitch that they were receiving an unusual number of calls and could be with me in about 50 minutes...wait what the fuck!  Believe it or not I fucking waited, and sure enough 50-55 minutes later CSR picked up the fun ready to help.

HIDE/SHOW

I asked when they were getting the next shipment, "we have no idea" was the response.  So i instructed the CSR to go ahead and cancel the order, alright order canceled my credit card will not be charged thanks for your business, so I thought.  Few days later a Nvidia Shield remote shows up at my house, and my credit card has been billed for the total amount.

The call back, you guys sent me the remote, I canceled the order, and you billed my card.  I can again, understand that the remote made it out before the order was cancelled, billing my card even could be understood because they partially shipped.  CSR tells me it is only a hold on my credit card and if I wanted to I could keep the remote because it actually has a value of $0.00, because it was free with the promotion.  "But it's not showing as a hold, it's a transaction." I said.  "Oh no sir its a hold." he said.  Fine whatever I'' give it a few days.

Charge is still there, go to local store to try and get this sorted even bring remote with plans on returning it.  Store associate was helpful at first but then quickly turned into a pile of shit, he would not call Gamestop and see what was going on, he took my number down and said he would try to call later.  You don't fucking try to call little bitch, you either do or you don't.  Stop boxing up fucking Viva Pinata and help your customer!  He did say I could return the remote but I wouldn't get any back because Gamestop thinks it has no value at $0.00.  Fuck you nerd I'm keeping this shit.  Again  I didn't want the total amount just for returning a remote, really brought it because it had all the order confirmation stuff with it

Long story short after few more calls, and Gamestop refusing to acknowledge they charged my card they agreed to send me a Corporate check for the amount in 7-15 days, I went ahead and placed a dispute on the charge with my bank, because sure enough their fucking check will probably bounce.  Ordered the Shield through Amazon got it in two days.

Nvidia you did it again!

Soooooo I finally got my hands on the Nvidia Shield (Android TV).  I picked the 16gig version over the 250 Pro resolving myself just to expand the memory with a micro-sd which is located on the back of the console if the time ever comes that I need extra space.

I got the Shield for $149.99 (Retail $199.99) with free remote included during a Black Friday sale, which is an absolute steal for this piece of hardware.

So first impression is that this thing looks amazing, it is rectangular with triangular insets which give it a very modern sharp look, it is remarkably thin (1 inch) and light (23 ounces)you almost can't believe that there is anything powerful enough inside this little box to run my games, videos potentially in 4k resolution.

I loaded this up with Netflix, Kodi, and Plex for my media needs.  I have not had any issues with any of these so far, looks beautiful on my television.  My game streaming has been great, been playing Witcher 2 through the Grid service and I hardly have a problem with stuttering, lag, etc.  This is pretty good considering its over my Wifi, with about 20 Mbps.

In the ever growing market over Android gaming devices this has to be the winner for 2015.  

In my other thoughts I cant help but think about the AlienWare Steam Machine, with the cheapest of these coming in at $449 and topping out at $749.  Between the two, The Shield is still the winner just for price point and capability, I cant help but think that you are paying for that little Alienware sticker.  I mean sure the Steam Machine is probably a beast but damn dat price though.

Amazon Prime Day...Blows

Sooooo Amazon Prime Day has arrived, and it is a smelly pile of shit.  I mean honestly this is a damn joke.  This sell is the equivalent to the useless shit your grandmother tries to give you when you visit, that has been sitting in her closet for five years. 

I think that the Wal-Mart counter shity sale is actually to some degree better!

This is embarrassing.

UPDATE

Amazon is calling their sale a success, this of course is measured in sales alone.  When you take into account the hundreds possibly thousands of comments on their site and Twitter, I believe they may have damaged their reputation with customers that don't fall into the category of mindless consumer douche. I mean one of the first Lighting Deal was a fucking Shoe Horn...a shoe horn.

Movie of the Year Kung Fury!!

Well I say movie , the actual run time is about 30 minutes so maybe mini movie of the year!  Director and Writer David Sandberg, who also stars as Kung Fury in this film is an absolute comedy gold.  This movie is set in 1985 and features a police officer that receives mysterious Kung Fu powers after his partner is killed and he is struck by lighting.  The characters in this movie are just so over the top, from the ArcadeGame killing machine, all the way to Triceracops.

Please for the love of God and everything Holy watch this movie. You will not be disappointed!

Superman VS Batman

So I have just watched the new trailer for the upcoming Superman Vs Batman movie, and already the controversies have started on blogs and Facebook's' across the web.  I feel like I have to really interject and put some truth to the Batman fan boys out there.  It is apparently said that given the right amount of time and resources that Batman can beat anyone, that's bullshit.  Superman will beat the fucking brakes off of Batman on any given day.  Superman will beat that ass like Batman owes him money.

I don't care if Batman shoves kryptonite up his ass and glows green for a year, all it takes is for superman to land one punch, or laser his ass from orbit.  I mean Superman has literally bathed in the Sun, and towed planets to other galaxies to save them.  If the writers of this movie load Batman down with such a massive amount of plot armor that he wins, then so be it, but just comparing the movie personas of Batman and Superman, there is no amount of kyrptonite that Batman could get his hands on that would stop Superman.  For God sake Superman threw a fucking island of kyrponite into space after being prison shanked and then the blade being snapped off in his ass.

And something else, why does every Tom, Dick, and Harry have kyrponite. if we are talking about finite resources here, that shit should be gone.  I mean Krypton is anywhere between 30-50 Light Years away from Earth depending on what source you go on, I don't even think that kyrponite would have made it to Earth yet honestly.  But int he end Batman fans can have a good wank over the thought of Batman whooping Superman's ass, enjoy it, because this si for sure a fantasy story, within a fantasy story!

WoW level boost, how to mess up

So recently I finally bought Warlords of Draenor at the constant fucking pestering of one of my online friends. The way in which I screwed up my level boost is completely epic and embarrassing.

I had forgotten or didn't know till later that you can cross talks to play with friends, that's my first mistake. So not knowing this I created a char on my friends server thinking that's the only way I was going to be able to play with him.

Now I already have a hunter on a different realm, level 89, .01% away from being 90.  My favorite class is huntard, because they are easy to play I feel, and I am familiar with them.  So what did I do, created a Hunter level 90 on his server...fuck me.

So know I have two level 90 hunters on two different realms, placed a support ticket asking if I could redo the process, "nope can't do it" Blizzard says suck our collective ducks.

Virtual Ass Whooping coming later this year

With so many companies entering the Virtual Reality race I am starting to wonder who is going to end up on top. I believe that the there are some of the headsets that are geared towards more commercial uses like the Oculus; which is already being used with NASA, and then you have the others like Morpheus, and the steam one with consumers specifically in mind.

Having not seen any of these devices in person I really can't say which I prefer, over the others, I'm going off completely what other people have said and other reviews, but even these reviews don't compare real life differences , preferences, and feels to each one only technical differences.

From what I have seen I am not that impressed by what they are passing off as "virtual reality".  I am sure it has depth, it's immersive, etc; but when I slap on a headache inducing brick to my face I want fucking LawnMower man results, I want to make all the phones ring in the world.

How fast till the porn industry gets applications for these headsets, probably release day.

Nvidia announces New console!

Nvidia announced Tuesday night in San Francisco a new console is going to be hitting the market,  Their new console is boasting the Tegra X1 chip, can support 4k video, and is coming equipped with the  Netflix for gaming service titled "Grd". It will be available this May for $199.00.  I really cant wait to see this console in action!  It will without a doubt be better than the shit filled Ouya, honestly the Ouya has some of the worst indie game of all time, please stop it, those games suck.

The Order 1886-I think we are done here

So The Order: 1886 was just released by the team at Ready at Dawn, these are the same people that brought you the three kick ass God of War titles, and that is why I am shocked and seriously disappointed in what they have done this year.

The Order is probably one of the most beautiful games that will come out this year, but at the same time they have destroyed game play by filling your time with Quick time response fights, idiotic companion AI, and a ridiculous short play time, 5-7 hours.  I mean this game gave it up faster than a fat kid on prom night.

This game took Ready at Dawn 4-5 years to develop and this is the best you can do?  Meta critic is rating it a 66/100, this is the lowest score that they have ever received!  I know what they have done exactly, with the worst open ended ending to date, they probably developed the sequel during this 4-5 year development time as well, and were hoping to feed us some more shit next year.

I don't know if they were hoping that the graphics alone would save this game, but honestly they have probably shot themselves in the foot with this one, and once again the trust has been broken between Developer and Consumer, (imagine if you pre-ordered this!).  Its really too bad they have done this, better luck next game everyone!

H1Z1, Shit talking Simulator

So I have played the new H1Z1 game for about 30 hours and I wanted to share what I thought about the game.  Now some things to cover from the get go, is that I know that the game is in Alpha, and they still have a lot of features to add, this is just my impression of the game as it is now, and what I would expect from it in the future.

So first thing that I expect from this game is that eventually they will put fucking zombies in it, I swear to God, I have died to bears more than any other PvE element in the game.  Honestly its like the devs were making a survival game and were like meh, put some zombies in it.  The zombie aspect I feel is an attempt to cash in on the fad that is going on, and really will be dying soon as I see it.  I mean even for an alpha game there is a serious lack of zombie involvement, that's what the damn game is focused around.  I want to see zombies locked inside houses, cars, caravans, roaming bands of zombies, zombie infested cities.

The zombies you expect

Right now the only thing that needs to be taken out are sniper rifles, I could deal with everything else in the game but sniper rifles are the salt lick for COD squeakers.  I have never like sniper rifles in games except for like strictly PvE, just sucks all the fun out of a game for me.

The zombies you get

The shit talking in the game is Excellent by the way, lol.  That has been on of the best parts for my friends and I.  My favorite shit talkers are from people who English is obviously a second language, you can hear such things as muda bitch, fuck shit, and other colorful slurs.  This is all very entertaining.

I haven't participated in an Air drops yet, and from my understanding these can only be done on highly populated servers.  They cost $4.99, and are guaranteed to become a cluster fuck.  The air drop basically alerts everyone playing, and draws them in for a big fight over the goods inside.  Which is cool, just not my cup of tea, if I pay for something i better get it.

This game has a very, very long way to go.  Right now it feels like just an arena game with a small map. I have best hopes for it but right now I see it kind of fading into the background.

Nintendo, dick move

So Nintendo announced today the Let's Play and Youtube partnership program they deemed the "Nintendo Creators Program" .  Basically you have to have a Paypal account and a Google+ account, register with Nintendo agree to all the T&C's and you can start the actual game playing process.

You can register individual videos or entire channels, the revenue share is 60% for an individual video, and 70% for an entire channel, which i think is pretty fair.  I have no problem with those shares they doesn't irk me in the least, what comes next though, should get the response of "are you serious?".

First off it can take up to 72 hours for your video to be "reviewed" and approved, and I have a feeling that if video is used for a review, and shows the game in an unkind light, how much you wanna bet the video will be denied?

Also there is only about ten games for each system they will allow you to video, wich of course are Nintendo's flagships.  Games like Zelda, Mario. Kart, Donkey Kong, but seriously there Is only ten from the new WiiU system that can be used.  I'm sore that's just fine with Nintendo since a majority of their games look and play like shit.

They should have just left this shit alone, and not over complicated things, dick move. Nintendo.

Windows Hololens..Fap Fap Fap

If you have not heard of the new Windows Hololens device, then you must be under a rock somewhere. This device is so fucking cool. This contraption that you wear on your face basically is an Augmented Reality device, it displays images on the glass in front of your eyes, to make it appear that the images are holograms. This thing works with Windows 10, it has retina location software, voice recognition, all kinds of cool things. From what they have shown in the Youtube videos, there is a lot of application for what I would consider to be Professional use, 3d design, modeling etc.

 The items they show for personal use, like the Netflix, Skype, etc look really cool but I can see the limitations like the Skype you can see them but they cant see you presumably and that was the whole point of Skype. They have a Minecraft type game that overlays your furniture and seems like it interacts with your environment, make a waterfall run off the coffee table for example. I really think this device is cool, but people have already said that if you wear glasses it is really uncomfortable, and when watching people demonstrate the device the hand gestures and voice commands seem like they have to be so deliberate, that is kind of a turn off to me. I want to be able to play my PC games in a new way that really pulls me in, I want to watch Netflix on a crazy huge virtual screen before my eyes, I believe that I will have to strap one of these bad boys to my face to really fall in love with it. Hololens is a cool device, and is going in the right direction.

 On another note this guy(Alex) Microsoft got to narrate the demonstration has to be the strangest little man I have seen in some time it seems that he really has a hard time with public speaking, his voice constantly cracks like a teen boy, and his interaction with the demonstrator is really disingenuous, he just sounds fake, like when he says "OOO i like it" in response to something the demonstrator says, sounds really fake.

Demo Video Funny Voice Crack 2:03

People are saying Oct 2015 for release, and guesses are ranging from $500-$1000 for price point.  We shall see.

Nvidia I'm Sorry, you're awesome, I'm a twat

So a few months ago, I wrote a blog post that was quite possibly the best hatchet job with the least amount of information available about the Nvidia Shield Portable.  At the time of the posting I had a friend who had actually held one of these contraptions, and he repeatedly told me "John, if you had one you would love it." With denial seething through me, this pretty much sums up what I had said about it.

"The initial price on this contraption was $299, If you show me someone that paid this, I would slap them, price cut down to $249, you bought this, I would cuss you in the street, now it is down to $199 you bought this I would awkwardly avoid your phone calls.  This is just not worth it! (Original price before release was $349) ."

I am happy to say that after above mentioned friend gifted this item to me very generously at Christmas, either out of a deep caring and mutually felt internal bromance, or that once he had it in my hands he knew that I would have to first eat fucking massive amounts of crow, then slap myself, then cuss my self, and awkwardly avoid phone calls from myself.  He also kindly reminded me to update my blog about the Nvidia Shield, savoring the moments for when I hit publish.
HIDE/SHOW

I really don't know where to start, "Grid" gaming comes on the Shield this is like the Netflix of PC games, Borderlands 2, Batman, and about 30 other games are available to play from the Grid service, right now this is free, but in June 2015 Nvidia will start charging for the service, interested to see the price point on this.  While streaming from the Grid I have noticed almost no delay, or stuttering in game play, and what I did experience was most likely due to my WiFi signal strength.

Streaming from my PC while took some troubleshooting and downloading the BETA of the Grid app, is absolutely amazing, I am playing Shadows of Mordor on the couch.  I no longer have to lock myself in the back room strapped to my computer desk, it is just bad ass.  I keep looking through my game collection to see what to load up on my comp, so i can play them again.

When I get home this thing doesn't leave my side, maybe it was the price point I was hating on, or some hate that I have developed for Micro-Android consoles.  The Nvidia Shield Portable, is powerful, accessible, and an absolute pleasure to play. In closing this is a really cool device, and I feel is a must have for pc gamers.